There are a great ton of things to be thankful about today and this week.
School has not been easy and in fact, it’s been challenging me A lot and I get bogged down by it quite a whole lot. I find running an escape for me, often trying to get one hour out of the schedule to head for a run that often feels – liberating. When I run, its easy. All I hear is the sound of praise from my music playlist and my heart is always being lifted in those moments. My heart is always encouraged and enlarged – only when I choose to praise. It takes a huge load of discipline to set my heart to do it and I’m thankful for friends who have inspired me to do so!! Thankful for the good light-hearted conversations that we have!
And that’s in the evenings but when I get back home and start on work again, I often find myself whining about the impossible amount of workload ahead of me (which I still think is very true ) really will take a miracle from God to get past this semester. In those moments, I find myself relying a lot on the encouragement of friends around me – you all know who you are – thanks for dealing with all my whines HAHA its really quite bad. It stresses me out so much though I hate to admit it. But as the sem goes on, I realised just how much I try to take things under my own control. I sleep late and wake up early, totally not giving my body sufficient ret (no wonder my brain is degenerating) haha. Just yesterday as I tucked myself to sleep, I find my mind wandering and panicking a little because there is so little time and so much work – it felt so overwhelming to even choose to go to sleep. And I woke up to this,
Don’t let the lesson be lost on you. God wants to be trusted as the Great Worker who never tires and never sleeps. He is not nearly so impressed with our late nights and early mornings as he is with the peaceful trust that casts all anxieties on him and sleeps.
Evidently God is trying to say something haha. And in that moment I had to tell my heart and mind to rest and let God be in control. I have to tell myself that it’s alright to be sleeping a little earlier because rest is necessary. One thing at a time, slowly. Really just need to get past the next two weeks and the third one will be slightly less stressful without school lessons and all – just churning essays. It’s been a semester of 0530/0615 mornings and it’s taking a toll on me.
That aside, today I’m so glad for the mini discussion we had in class about truth. I was growing quite restless during class from settling some admin stuff but I caught myself and challenged myself to speak up when necessary. And it was this moment of feeling like “fire in my bones” except its chill in my bones HAH, I know I was quite stirred when I heard a friend commenting on truth as being a convenient stop-point for people. In that moment, my heart was just beating really fast because I felt a need to say otherwise. Truth is not easy and truth definitely isn’t just a convenient stop-point. In fact, I propose otherwise, in a world where relativism is everything, could it be that our laziness to search for absolute truth and our persistence on our own truths and reality (relative truth) is a convenient stop-point? Haha I was shaking in my seat, (possibly half the cold and half from raring to speak) It was daunting really, to know that postmodernism, relativism is very real in the classroom but at the same time, it was extremely comforting to know that the Spirit lives and is alive in the classroom that we speak – that I do not have to be afraid, but with gentleness and reasoning, voice out the thoughts I have. And haha its so funny I always send “HELPPPP” signals to Hannah and exchange funny looks with her haha. But its through all these that I learn to listen and to reason also. It was also in discussions like today’s that I am reminded about the importance and sometimes the harshness of truth. Truth can be hard to receive and hence we reject certain truths and prefer our versions of truths. Or we find truths too complex and complicated for understanding because we have to uncover so many plausible accounts of truths and take into consideration different people and factors. As I sat in the classroom, I am reminded that truth is simple. And it’s in such simplicity that it becomes profound. That is where the wisdom of God is necessary to help us discern what is truth and what is not, to help us to appreciate and stand for truth.
I admit that I’m not the brightest student around or the most articulate ones even. But I thank God for each opportunity and conversation to share and understand the heart of another. I ask God for opportunities everyday and He sure is gracious with them! I remember a wise friend once said, apologetics is not just for the intellectual but for everyone and invites all to come and learn about engaging our minds to love God. Therefore I cannot be lazy but I must press on – to love God with my heart, mind and soul.
On the sidenote, there’s been so much on my mind that I need to properly sit down and process but time does not allow for now. So they’ll have to wait! But really so thankful for the grace of God in the little things and the big ones and providing even for project work!!! God knows I need all the help I can get heh.