It’s been a long while since I wrote on this space. I’ve been penning down on my journal and typing whenever I can in my iPad through the short snippets of time I have. The past few weeks have been rather busy. I’m in my last lap of the internship school attachment and it’s been fruitful and I’m having alot of fun, experimenting with creative ideas that come randomly. Thank you Jesus hah.
Anyways, just a short update on the past few days. Attended Alicia’s choir concert with the boys and I’m so happy to see them showing genuine love and support for a fellow cell member. That was extremely encouraging for me and spurs me to help them to love better. Not just to love one another but to love people that are not easy to love – perhaps one they have never met, ones that are very different from them, who shares different belief systems and all. I’ve also attended the first two nights of the Burning Hearts Conference. Really a word in season. I went with super expectant hearts and it’s so fun to see God’s heart unravel day after day.
The first night was about preparing to suffer and the question that we all must ask ourselves: when is the last time our souls are crushed with longing for God’s word? The Word clearly states that the extent to which we suffer is the extent to which we experience glory. Truly, our generation these days are more concerned with the fear of raised eyebrows, of judgement from people.
From the need to be understood
And from a need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Sometimes we seem just so satisfied with our comfortable Christian lives, we read our bibles when we can, we insert God into our conversations, then we forget that suffering is a real part of the Christian life. The past one year, i’ve been asking God what exactly it means to share in His suffering (that’s my theme verse of the year that God has impressed on my heart but never understood why because my life is currently pretty good) So it was a verse that I was hesitant to write heh but usually these theme verses of the year are often 90% accurate (hah the past 4 years it has never failed) So when Brian Kim began talking about preparing to suffer, my heart went a little like okay-Jesus-tell-me-now HAHA. hehe it was a powerful night and I was reminded to live each day with the reality of the risen Christ. In the words of Brennan Manning, the central miracle of the gospel is not the raising of Lazarus or the multiplication of the loaves or all the dramatic healing stories taken together. The miracle of the gospel is Christ, risen and glorified, who this very moment tracks us, pursues us, abides in us, and offers Himself to us as companion for the journey! How often do we live absent-mindedly? Very often indeed. How does that look like then? I think it looks like this: immersing myself in the word and saying yes Lord speak to me. It looks like remembering to pray purposefully for the people that needs prayer. It looks like lavishly loving on the people around you. It looks like carrying bright beaming smiles on your face because He’s alive, now I’m alive!!
The second night of burning hearts with Misty Edwards leading worship and a message by Daniel Lim was pretty solid. Don’t get me wrong, God speaks in every service and in our own lives. But that worship set really spoke to me.
Though I walk through the valley, it’s only a shadow, it’s only a shadow!
Though my body may perish, it’s only a shadow, it’s only a shadow!
Wah that got me. I mean, I’m not even walking through any valley right now really. But those words somehow spoke right into my life. It’s abit funny because God has been speaking to me alot about life, death and counting the cost recently. (i’m not scaring you or myself hah its just rather queer) But it’s something we ought to think about nonetheless. Not to take each day for granted but to live mindfully. I still fail at that sometimes!! Haha but God and His special sense of timing. I better watch and pray heh. But really got me thinking about the past and how everything was really just a shadow. I fear no evil because the Lord has been with me! Then it was this song of Mighty to Save, old song but something I’ve been singing during my walks to school. Author of salvation, and I began to intercede for my family who have yet to know Christ. It’s been 13 years of knowing Christ but everyone’s still pretty ignorant of it sometimes. And sometimes I get discouraged and I question, is it because I’m living it wrong? Haha but I scare myself sometimes and nah, don’t entertain those silly questions. In His perfect timing!
Through all these, I really see first hand how God has been tugging at my heart and speaking with me. I love how Jesus is all about the people. This is shown through the mini walk we had yesterday night as a cell. So…on Thursday morning I was just wondering what to do for cell on saturday since Joel is not back and we just ended a series. Then the idea of bringing them out to the streets of Geylang came to mind. Funny I read about it in The Justice Demand that Thursday afternoon and I insta-dm-ed D about it! (Haha we always talk via insta dm because we arent like friends friends) But found a friend in her yesterday when we talked proper for first time! She got me to pray about it and she did so as well! Haha I asked for confirmation and guess who I bumped into of all people at burning hearts!! A!! And she shared about how shes been serving in Tamar, a ministry for the street ladies there! Green light on. Hah and so the planning for it began. God also spoke in the planning heh.
HAHA that was on Thursday afternoon and D’s boyfriend prepped us before the walk and shared with us, eventually leading us in the song of Hosanna. (totally unplanned, this is what we called divine) Haha and he confirmed and said, that’s right this is not unplanned for. And I looked at D and went “omg” of which she returned with a sweet smile!! Haha God is so cool eh!! Sometimes we ask, does God have speaking problems or do we have hearing problems? HAHA savage much. Often the latter.
After positioning our hearts, we began to move out to walk. Haha there were like 11 of us so we kinda split up and so began my first time in the red light district. Actually there werent alot of explicit stuff, not really actually. In fact, one whole row of brothels were closed (YES thank God!) and saw for the first time gambling dens where there were so many people crowding around the area. I’ve never seen this side of Singapore and it was eye-opening for all of us. But more than that, there was an air of heaviness and staleness. There were wandering men, ladies waiting randomly and scrolling their phones and people are seeking. Seeking for love, for fun, for a short thrill, and some unfortunately, for survival. We didn’t talk to anyone but we observed and in the midst of it all try to catch God’s heart for this land.
Yesterday night, we didn’t parade ourselves around like a lighthouse in the midst of darkness. Yesterday, we told ourselves to walk like little flames and we asked of God to fan and feed this little flame, that one day we might be moved to action. We often have the ninja spirit, like what D’s bf said but sometimes we have to choose a right respond to the injustices we see around us. Not having the hero mentality or anything, but to begin with asking why and then what next? And just humbling yourselves to one day ask God that we might learn to get our hands dirty and our feet in the mud.
There’s so much I can say about it but I think God thinks that was enough for the night and so we departed. As we were on the way home, my prayer is that all these young people become strong godly people that will be a voice for the voiceless. No need to take big steps and giant leaps, but small steps first – knowing God in His word and letting God enlarge our hearts.